I spend a lot of time reflecting. As any parent does, I go over the day and critique myself. Some days I am really proud of how I handled a tantrum. Other days I spend an hour calling myself a terrible parent in my mind.
I think, when it comes down to it, you HAVE to be that way. Parenting is the single most important thing there is in the world. There is nothing above it, as you are literally shaping the world. The future relies on parents to raise it right.
How do we do that? Well, you look to the figures who raised you.
Anyone else remember thinking or saying, “When I have kids Yadda Yadda Yadda!”? Now that we have the chance, we realize dessert for dinner was a great concept but after a long day we really would rather ply a kid with cough medicine, not sugar.
There are things the past generation did that we REALLY hated. Look at how it is now- If your kid is outside alone, expect a visit from the cops. If you leave your kid in the car unattended for any amount of time, expect a visit from the cops. If you discipline your child physically, expect a visit from the cops. Kid has an imagination and draws or writes something even remotely similar to weapons or violence? Who is that at the door? The cops.
Parenting is scary on so many levels without the added fear of someone ripping your child from your arms. It seems to me, in a time where everyone seems broke or barely surviving that we waste a ton of taxpayer money wrongly getting between parent and child.
It is absolutely ridiculous and serves no purpose.
You think taking a child from their parent is in the best interest of the child? I couldn’t imagine being taken from my parent(s) as a child and thrust into an unfamiliar environment. Oh wait, I can.
Even if the child ISN’T taken, they have to go through the motions of living with a parent living on edge. You know what the fear of losing your child does to you? I do.
This is where one self-righteous person will chime in and cite abuse and deaths as the reason all parents should be so heavily scrutinized and policed. I have news for you, this mentality that plagues us is also ridiculous and serves no purpose. Let’s zoom out on this for a second and see where this mentality has gotten us.
A muslim man devises an attack that kills scores of innocent people. All muslims are terrorists.
A cop shoots an unarmed man. All cops are bad cops
A black person steals something from a store. All blacks are thugs.
The mentality that you can class whole groups based on one individuals actions.
This mentality has sent the world reeling backwards. I am not interested in talking about the broken ways of the world.
There is a very real fear that someone may deem you unfit. You do something they disagree with and have no choice but to sit down with child services or the cops before spending the next weeks and months of your life unable to sleep because you fear someone coming between you and your child.
I know it. I lived it.
Out of all the things that can get you in trouble, I never thought a post on my blog would be one of the. The piece, From Partying to Parenting, humorously (in my opinion at least) connected the two opposites. From pee soaked clothes to handing off bottles to stop crying, all I tried to do was draw far-fetched similarities and make people laugh at the thought of it. Somewhere someone misread it and misinterpreted it. The person in question (and if that person is reading this, I still say Fuck You!) was actually a family member of my wife.
So, I was told to pull the post, which you can find here. My response was simple. No.
Why would I censor myself? Why would anyone? You should be yourself and never ashamed to be that person.
Well, child services was called and an investigation was opened up. All because of a post drawing similarities between taking care of party goers and raising children. When the case worker called and wanted to set up a “visit” the following week, I demanded an immediate visit. As my children’s guardian, if they are in trouble I am the first person that wants them to be safe. If you are going to say you need to look into my children’s welfare, you better do it immediately because they are my number one priority. He came, to find a clean house and sleeping children. An hour is all he spent here, most of it talking about fantasy football. I spent weeks unable to sleep and ready for someone to knock on my door and remove my children, even though I was told nothing was found to raise suspicion. I was warned about what to post on my site and that it could cause problems.
Side note here- I have spent so far around $1,800 on my site, I will post whatever I fucking please and I will post with absolute honesty my views as I deem fit. If there are people out there who think it inappropriate then they can start their own site and move on. There is plenty of internet out there for everyone, here I write free, motherfucker.
After a series of voicemails and no return calls I had enough. A very strongly worded message was left for the case worker that said something about calling supervisors until I reached the president if need be to get information on my investigation. A flustered case worker told me my case was closed and I told him next time I had to talk with him or child services it would be through a lawyer.
I dedicate an unbelievable amount of time to Punk Rock Papa, a page and site I created out of the love for my children and wanting to share with other parents. I would think my love for my kids shines through, as does their importance to me.
Someone deemed me unfit. It crashed my whole world for a while.
Here is what I think should happen. As parents we should respect each other. We should acknowledge there are simply different ideas people have when it comes to this. If you are worried about a child left in a car, don’t call the police and pat yourself on the back as you drive off. Stay around, tell the parent that with the news of children dying inside cars has you nervous anytime you see a kid in a car alone. Don’t judge, don’t deem unfit. Go along your way with a “Have a nice day!”
It has reached a point where publishing a post about my kids has me sitting by the door with my phone on loud waiting for cops or child services. Don’t you think this has become a bit much? Don’t answer that, someone may deem you unfit.