Ermagherd twins!!

My boys are not twins. Well they are but we almost never call them “the twins” it’s always the kids, the boys, tyrants. The wife and I decided before they were born we would treat them as individuals. To me the moniker twins clumps them together. That’s just personal opinion. Since they were born they have worn matching outfits sparingly. Usually it’s grandma that matches them. They had bear snowsuits but only because we were given them and they were adorable. I tend to stay away from ever referring to them as a single entity.

Now I’m not parent bashing or even judging how households with multiples decide to dress or raise or nickname their children. Those are your kids, do what you want. I’m talking my household. I have always felt an objection to labeling of any form.

Going to the grocery store is tough. Everyone stops us. EVERYONE. It takes us an hour to get milk.
“Are they twins?!”
“Oh my god, twins?!”
” Did you know my sisters’ boss had a cousin who was a twin?”
I know this will never change. When I see parents of twins we always give the same understanding look. We don’t stop each other to marvel in awe at the amazement of twins. There is no “oh my god we both have twins, seriously I thought I had the only ones!” It just has never happened. An acknowledgment? Maybe a head nod then it’s back to trying to wade through the masses who feel the need to abruptly stop us.

I’m not a social butterfly. Sure get a couple drinks in me and I’ll sing Counting Crows at karaoke. Besides that though I have always had a feeling of anxiety and anger in public. People jostle you, get in your way, have obnoxiously loud conversations in public. Diana knows this about me. Taking me anywhere usually involves an argument or promises of future sexual favors.

Maybe that’s why I was blessed with twins. To live out the purgatory of public. It could very well be why I hate the term twins. As someone who has always been against the grain, against conformity, the moniker brings aggravation and forced smiles. No, they are two regular boys who happened to be born two minutes a part.

Killian is a sweetheart. He loves to laugh, loves to cuddle and absolutely loves to smile. The boy was born with an extra serving of good nature and I love him for it. I know he will grow up to be a lover and the friend you go to who makes you feel better.

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Nicolas is fierce. The boy is a warrior and smart, much smarter than he should be. He sees any sort of obstacles in the way of his goals then deftly maneuvers past them. The boy is me. I see it, he isn’t friendly and social, prefers to stare at a person and size them up.

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I love both my children equally. The moniker twins is a disservice to their individuality. It combines them as a single unit while simultaneously separating them from peers. Anywhere we go, everywhere we go it’s about the twins. It’s not how is Killian? What about Nicolas? How are the twins? They look so much alike!

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Bleh.

What will happen when our “singleton” enters the picture? I can only assume people will stop us and say “Woah is that twins?” Then take no notice of their little brother.

The thought unsettles and nauseates me. We live in an age where information is instantly transmitted around the world. It’s at your fingertips! Twins are so astounding, Google pictures of them, but please don’t show them to me. I had the same picture shown to me thirteen goddamn times in the past two days. It was a cute picture but the thought process now is “Briton has twins!! He needs to see this!!” I am a parent of boys, tyrants kids! Not different than anyone else. It makes me feel special being thought of but not when it’s under the classification of being a parent of twins. Send me dad of the year photos!

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Maybe I’m the only parent that feels this sort of way? I wouldn’t know because I have missed all the multiples support groups. I was too busy hanging with the parents of singletons.

*Drops Mic*

I usually don’t do this but I’ve seen it on some great blogs and in order to be great you should fake it till you make it or steal from the greats. Do you have twins? Do you feel they get clumped together? Do you not have twins? Have I offended you? Is anyone still reading this?

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7 comments on “Ermagherd twins!!
  1. Samara sent me over. I have no twins, but don’t think I’d be too concerned about their individuality. In fact, I’d probably play to the whole twins thing to excess. It’s easy to say though, since I don’t have twins. Did I say that already? Anyway, we have sort of Irish twin boys and that’s fun. Oh, here’s a funny story. My buddy and his wife had twins and they shared a room at the hospital with a big black woman who was also having a baby. They’re super liberal so the whole experience was just amazing to them. Anyway, when the twins were born, the woman asked my buddy’s wife what their names were. When she said Brendan and Steven, the woman tilted her head and looked at her like she had three heads before responding, “That DON’T rhyme!!” Lol. Maybe you had to be there.

  2. Samara sent me, too. Well I don’t know if she knows she sent me, but I followed the link she blasted on Facebook and it landed me here.

    I don’t know much about twins, but I can imagine your frustration being stopped in public about it a lot. I’d probably have a huge list of sardonic retorts to say to these random people.

    • That Samara is wonderful.

      It used to be fun to respond with an asshole comment, receive glares from the wife and confused chuckles from random people. I used to tell people that one of the boys was for sale… Its turned into forced smiles. I let the wife ward people away she has much better social skills than I do. One time we were out and a lady stopped us to ask about the boys then commented on how what Killian was doing something dangerous. I looked her in the face and said, “well good thing I’ve got a back up,” as i walked past her. The wife didnt find it as amusing as I did.

      Thanks for taking the time to read this little blog (hate that word) slash rant, they all are not so…whiny?

  3. Even though i don’t have twins persay, I totally get what you’re saying. Since my boys are a year n a day apart, somewhere around 2 & 3 they caught up to each other in size & people would just assume they were twins. Even our family members treat them as a single entity, which drives me insane! They are individuals with their own unique personalities, passions, & opinions & should be honored as such. You’re doing an awesome job recognizing their individual needs, dad, those boys of yours will grow up to be amazing one day!

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