I can parent my kids, can you parent yours?

One thing I know I am really good at is parenting. Parenting my own children that is. I have no clue how to parent someone else’s kid, at all. I couldn’t even begin to tell you what I would do in someone else’s exact situations because I would rather not pretend to know. I think that people don’t realize that similar situations don’t equate to the same reactions. How do so many sit there comfortably spewing out opinion as fact when it comes to parenting?

Here is what I know. I know my children. I know their day to day routine as well as each and every cry they throw out there. I know what they need and what they want. I know they best way to deal with a tantrum and I know when they might just need a cuddle and a show. Up until two years old, I know EXACTLY how to raise MY children.

I have no clue how to raise someone else’s child. I don’t know their ticks and subtle behaviors. I could go along with it, in a babysitter position I am sure. When your child is melting down in the supermarket or acting like a precocious ass in the car, I don’t know their needs. I don’t know what is going on with them because I don’t have that familial bond.

That’s why I don’t sit here hiding behind a screen telling a single mother how horrible she is for deciding a punishment for her child.

As  a parent I like to think that when punishing my child, I know how to properly do it. Yes, person in the back bringing up child abuse, there ARE people out there who don’t. There are people out there who do horrible things for no apparent reason. That is not the majority. As there are not ONLY good cops or crooked cops. There are not ONLY bad parents disciplining their children.

The fact is we have gotten to a place where we want everything to be cookie cutter. Every kid should be raised this way, parents should act this way, etc. Etc. That is absolutely, completely cannot stress this enough, wrong. It is wrong. There is no standardized parenting because these aren’t standardized children coming out of the womb. These are human beings. These are not machines to program towards one purpose in one fashion. These are individuals. Individuals needing and deserving of their own special upbringing towards becoming their own special being.

I could go on for days about individuality and non conformity. They are important to me, as a person and as a father of twins, I push individuality like it is dying. And it is. Individuality is dying. We train our kids like monkeys to make sure they fill in the correct bubble on a piece of paper. Their is no abstract thinking or creativity in millions of children with number 2 pencils filling in the B bubble.

We want cookie cutter, and it is blowing back on the parents. If you are not raising your children to the standard protocol, you can be meeting with the child services, worried that at any moment your kids could be ripped out of your hands and put with strangers, who don’t know how to raise your child. All because a stranger who doesn’t know how to raise your child made a phone call.

I have been through the system. There was a piece I wrote actually, that got child services in my life. As a parent I am not supposed to admit that I partied and enjoyed it? I am not allowed to jokingly and humorously draw connections between days of drunken debauchery and child rearing? Before becoming a father I partied. Hard! Sorry, not sorry.

It’s not cookie cutter. It’s not okay.

I am in the wrong era to raise a child. I don’t need help raising MY child. I need people to actually back off, from trying to kill my child and create another brick in the wall. Not my child. Back the fuck off.

Too many people think that parenting comes with a doctorate to let others know how to do it. I missed that course, was probably partying. I managed my way to this point, a proud father of bright young children. I am not ready for others to impose their systems on them. I am not ready for them to try and indoctrinate me.

I hate going out with my children. I don’t feel safe parenting in public. My kids enjoy doing the limp body when they get upset. Last thing I need is someone to think I am ripping my kid’s arm out of his socket dragging him along because he had a fit over me not letting him eat the gum someone else’s child stuck under a table.

So where do we go? Do we collectively agree that maybe, just maybe, we have gotten into each other’s business a little TOO much? Could we back the fuck off and parent our own kids for a change? Parenting is difficult enough without the worry of ire from your supposed peers. Here is what I know, I know how to raise my children. I am going to assume you know how to raise yours. Let it be.

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16 comments on “I can parent my kids, can you parent yours?
  1. Preach! I think people are so noisy and full of it sometimes. If people would worry about their own kids, you wouldn’t have kids running around here acting like asses in the first place. I mean it’s one thing if abuse is going on, but in most cases, parents seem to think that they are experts once they have pushed a child out the vagina. Every child is different, and that is something as a society we constantly keep forgetting. It should be celebrated. Don’t feel bad, we still don’t go out to eat to sit down restaurants, cause my kids act like planet of the apes, and they aren’t toddlers……..

  2. Hello, truth. It’s a crying shame how many people out there think they’ve got it all right, all the time. I dare on of those people to invite us all in for a day and show us what is really going on in their lives and in their homes. Perfection? Hell to the no.
    I disregard anyone giving me parenting advice or spewing hate at me for how I do things. You don’t know me, you don’t know my kids. Go on with your perfect self, your perfect kids, and your perfect life and have a nice fucking day.
    By the way, great post, Briton.
    Sandy Ramsey recently posted…Celebrating One HundredMy Profile

    • I don’t know why there are so many parents out there who feel somehow qualified to pass judgement on other parents in situations they themselves have never even experienced!

  3. A voice of reason. THANK YOU! There is no perfect way. There is the way we know that is best for our own children and you expressed that sentiment PERFECTLY in writing this. What works for some children will not work for every child. Degrading one approach does not help the situation, it only adds more stress, worry and condemnation to a situation. Negativity breeds negativity, lifting each other up in a positive manner is, and has always been (to me), a better way to live life. And, your words about knowing your child’s cries and their needs. That’s a parent, that is their parent. It is not for anyone else to judge since they do not know your children. LOVED THIS. Rock on, Punk Rock Papa!

    • Thanks misfit mama. It is so true, I know my kids and no when there is something wrong from a subtle change in their breath- no one else can spot that stuff other than their mother. people need to keep to their own and worry about who they are raising.

  4. Beautifully stated. Too many people step in when they have no idea, they think everything they don’t understand is child abuse. I had someone tell me long ago my autistic son was being abused because I held him in public to stop him from hurting himself or other during a meltdown in a restaurant. If I hadn’t food would have been everywhere he would have thrown dishes, his screaming was not because I was holding him but because he couldn’t handle the environment. It was just too much for him. She shut up when one of the older boys told the person my brother has autism our mom is just trying to keep him safe.
    when I got him calm enough to leave I was in tears, and so were my kids. We never went back there again. So I get all too well where you are coming from.
    Dawn from HardlyBored recently posted…Minion Monday – We are more.My Profile

  5. Hi Briton! Sorry I have been MIA, my bout with vertigo lasted way too long but fortunately, doing a funky maneuver that was recommended to me has gotten rid of it! Woot! Woot!

    We definitely all need to back off! Unless we are asked for advice or opinions, we don’t have the right to give it. What works with one child may not work with another. Keep on parenting the best way you know how! 🙂
    brickhousechick recently posted…I Was Awakened/ Order of Seven Blog TourMy Profile

  6. I’ll tell you what to do when someone’s kid, anyone’s kid, is acting like a precocious ass in the car.

    You make a hard turn and laugh to yourself when the go slamming into the door. Little fuckers. Hehe

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