One thing I know I am really good at is parenting. Parenting my own children that is. I have no clue how to parent someone else’s kid, at all. I couldn’t even begin to tell you what I would do in someone else’s exact situations because I would rather not pretend to know. I think that people don’t realize that similar situations don’t equate to the same reactions. How do so many sit there comfortably spewing out opinion as fact when it comes to parenting?
Here is what I know. I know my children. I know their day to day routine as well as each and every cry they throw out there. I know what they need and what they want. I know they best way to deal with a tantrum and I know when they might just need a cuddle and a show. Up until two years old, I know EXACTLY how to raise MY children.
I have no clue how to raise someone else’s child. I don’t know their ticks and subtle behaviors. I could go along with it, in a babysitter position I am sure. When your child is melting down in the supermarket or acting like a precocious ass in the car, I don’t know their needs. I don’t know what is going on with them because I don’t have that familial bond.
That’s why I don’t sit here hiding behind a screen telling a single mother how horrible she is for deciding a punishment for her child.
As a parent I like to think that when punishing my child, I know how to properly do it. Yes, person in the back bringing up child abuse, there ARE people out there who don’t. There are people out there who do horrible things for no apparent reason. That is not the majority. As there are not ONLY good cops or crooked cops. There are not ONLY bad parents disciplining their children.
The fact is we have gotten to a place where we want everything to be cookie cutter. Every kid should be raised this way, parents should act this way, etc. Etc. That is absolutely, completely cannot stress this enough, wrong. It is wrong. There is no standardized parenting because these aren’t standardized children coming out of the womb. These are human beings. These are not machines to program towards one purpose in one fashion. These are individuals. Individuals needing and deserving of their own special upbringing towards becoming their own special being.
I could go on for days about individuality and non conformity. They are important to me, as a person and as a father of twins, I push individuality like it is dying. And it is. Individuality is dying. We train our kids like monkeys to make sure they fill in the correct bubble on a piece of paper. Their is no abstract thinking or creativity in millions of children with number 2 pencils filling in the B bubble.
We want cookie cutter, and it is blowing back on the parents. If you are not raising your children to the standard protocol, you can be meeting with the child services, worried that at any moment your kids could be ripped out of your hands and put with strangers, who don’t know how to raise your child. All because a stranger who doesn’t know how to raise your child made a phone call.
I have been through the system. There was a piece I wrote actually, that got child services in my life. As a parent I am not supposed to admit that I partied and enjoyed it? I am not allowed to jokingly and humorously draw connections between days of drunken debauchery and child rearing? Before becoming a father I partied. Hard! Sorry, not sorry.
It’s not cookie cutter. It’s not okay.
I am in the wrong era to raise a child. I don’t need help raising MY child. I need people to actually back off, from trying to kill my child and create another brick in the wall. Not my child. Back the fuck off.
Too many people think that parenting comes with a doctorate to let others know how to do it. I missed that course, was probably partying. I managed my way to this point, a proud father of bright young children. I am not ready for others to impose their systems on them. I am not ready for them to try and indoctrinate me.
I hate going out with my children. I don’t feel safe parenting in public. My kids enjoy doing the limp body when they get upset. Last thing I need is someone to think I am ripping my kid’s arm out of his socket dragging him along because he had a fit over me not letting him eat the gum someone else’s child stuck under a table.
So where do we go? Do we collectively agree that maybe, just maybe, we have gotten into each other’s business a little TOO much? Could we back the fuck off and parent our own kids for a change? Parenting is difficult enough without the worry of ire from your supposed peers. Here is what I know, I know how to raise my children. I am going to assume you know how to raise yours. Let it be.