In Defense of Ground Pizza

Yes, I have no intention stopping my kid from eating that piece of pizza currently laying facedown in this parking lot turned festival area. I understand the looks, the ground looks rather disgusting to me too. I don’t WANT my kids to it ground food, but it happens…a lot. How far should we go back to find when my kids broke me of the conditioned reflex to stop them from eating off the ground?

I really did use to care, believe me. Tons of floor food has made its way to the trash instead of my kid’s mouths. From popsicles to cheerios, no dirty food would be consumed. So what changed? How did I go from caring about whether my kids ate food that fell on the floor or ground to this point where I simply have given up on it. It isn’t a money issue, my family is well enough off to replace the food. Sorta. Except for when its the fourth slice of mostly uneaten pizza being thrown to the ground much to the glee of my kid, that hurts the piggy bank.

The only thing I really stop my kids from eating is peanut butter, is that bad? Seriously, anything else is fair game. Before you saw me pick that piece of pizza up and give it a quick germs-be-gone shake I watched my kids try to eat wood chips. Yes, wood chips. The ones they lay down around trees. The ones laid down over there, yes those wood chips that look like someone kicked through them. That’s not even the first time I think I have watched my kids eat wood chips.

I once watched my kid shovel sand in his mouth at the beach, only to make a disgruntled face and start spitting. This was after telling him not to eat sand four hundred times. After cleaning his mouth out with my bottle of water, risking personal health (what if I had gotten dehydrated?) my son proceeded to sit down, shovel sand in his mouth and look disgruntled.

Let’s get down to it. Once you have a child you notice they will stick ANYTHING in their mouth. From a bottle in the recycling can to sand at the beach, kids wonder if they can eat everything. I see a cellphone a toddler sees a technological sandwich. It really can’t be stopped. Unless you plan to bubble wrap your child or place a protective cover over your child, they are going to stick some disgusting stuff in their mouth. The ground pizza, while disgusting, has about as much germs on it as the equipment at the park my kids always seem to need to lick before going down the slide. Except that pizza has cheesy goodness and I can pass it off as lunch.

Kids are disgusting little creatures who explore textures and tastes. There will come a point in my kids life where they will have a little brain blast and realize that pizza tastes a lot better without gravel toppings. At least I really hope so. My kids are over beach sand for the most part. We are working on not eating dirt and clearly wood chips are still a dietary supplement to them.

I have an exercise for all parents. Watch what your kid touches and puts in their mouth. Watch what they touch and then how they don’t wash their hands before inserting them into their mouths. Is facedown ground pizza really the worst thing a kid can eat? What ever happened to the five-second rule anyways?

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9 comments on “In Defense of Ground Pizza
  1. Dude…old chewing gum at the soccer field. But that’s not the worst. Are you ready? More than once I’ve had to fish a stray piece of dog poop out of my kids mouth. DOG POOP!!!! He won’t touch a bowl of spagetti-o’s but I can’t keep the dog poop out of his mouth.
    I feel like I should write an open letter to Chef Boyardee

  2. My kids are constantly finding old candy or fruit loops from under the bed or behind the chest of drawers and then of course eating it. If I´m lucky it will come with a bit of hair so they´ll spit it out because even they don´t like hair in their mouth. Im totally cool with overturned pizza on the floor.

  3. Yes to all of this Papa! I have tried and tried again to get my son to stop sucking on rocks, licking the sunscreen bottle, and chewing on dirt. You’ll see and hear me at the park, playground, and hockey arena saying “don’t put that in your mouth, spit that out this instant, and my personal favourite for God sakes stop licking that pole!” Crazy screaming banshee Mom alert the day I caught him with cat poop!!! There wasn’t enough wine or expletives for that day.
    Jeanine recently posted…Ten Things of ThankfulMy Profile

  4. shamefully I remember taking my young daughter to the shore. We didn’t have a lot of money then and we had just bought a gigantic $7 piece of pizza. She dropped it and it was lying face down on the filthy Boardwalk. Picked it up and handed it back to her 🙁 that was an expensive piece of pizza

  5. Kids should spend more time in the dirt with a spoon. They would probably be a lot healthier than when we keep them in disinfected bubbles.

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