One of the hardest things to accept is the loss of a loved one. Compounding on that pain are holidays, much like Mother’s Day. I lost my mother at the end of January. It was sudden and fucked me up. Only weeks before we had talked about her taking a trip out to meet her grandsons. A meeting that never got the chance to take place. It is something I still struggle with, a lot. I penned this, whatever this is, for the Original Bunker Punks and Say It With A Bang Mother’s Weekend. #OBPWITHABANG
The world still turns and it doesn’t seem fair sometimes.
You still come crashing through my mind.
Halting everything I do.
I can’t help but need days to lay there in sadness, forever missing you.
Losing you was like no pain I have ever felt.
You never realize how many words are left unspoken in this world.
I would give everything for one last “I love you”
There is a voicemail box filled with messages I don’t ever dare to delete.
Countless “call me backs” or “I miss you”s
Times I deemed sleep or work or whatever I was doing to be too important.
Times I made mental notes to check in before the week was over.
I can’t listen to the voicemails, although I long to hear your voice one more time.
You come crashing in
And I can’t breath, but suddenly memories of you are filling me.
I see you in my kids did you know?
How could you, I never told you.
Your eyes had that shine, they inherited your glint.
They are growing so fast! You should see and hear them!
You should, but you won’t.
Why do we let the day to day sweep us up and swallow us whole.
Why does a job take precedent over love?
I wish I had known better.
So many wasted moments and lost chances.
And you are left on Mother’s Day writing about all the things you wished you said
Before it was too late.
And it isn’t too late.
My mother taught me love
She taught me compassion.
Her lessons shine through and are imparted on her grandchildren.
That love I learned to give freely and openly is showered upon my family.
This year my wife will get a Happy Mother’s Day, times two.
One from me and one for you.
I love you mom, forever and for always.
To the moon and back.
Your boy, who misses you every day.