As with most writers, I have had to put myself out there at the mercy of sites in hopes that my writing gets picked up and my name gets spread. It is a nerve-wracking process that we go through; being put to the wolves and shark tanks of submission sites. From paid sites to the non-paid, there is always a little bit of a cycle during that wait period where a writer can go a little stir-crazy waiting for a response. Typically a site tells you there is a seven day window for them to accept your piece before the chances of them running it expire along with your sanity.
Day 1- A feeling of extreme over-confidence. This is the greatest piece ever submitted. Not only will this site be paying you, but they are going to tip you for your genius writing. This is the post that will go viral and get you noticed! After showing your writing to three supportive friends you have finally graced the submission site with your Mona Lisa. You are actually surprised that they didn’t respond in five minutes and accept your post; they are probably in shock and awe of you, it happens.
Day 2– Okay, it is pretty early in the morning for a response. It isn’t surprising, the site you submitted to must have an inbox inundated with submissions. Maybe after a morning cup of coffee and some food you will check again and find the acceptance email. Hmmm, while the coffee is brewing maybe I should double-check if their response got stuck in my junk section. Nigerian Prince, Nigerian Prince, libido pills, Long lost relative, Nigerian Prince- no response to my submission, odd. Oh well, I really only sent it 11 hours 24 minutes ago, but who is keeping track of the time. Refresh.
Day 3- Refresh, refresh, refresh. Maybe my Wifi is down? Reboot the router, call the internet company. Vaguebook about constant email checks. Refresh. Check from both phone and computer. Okay, how long ago did I send this? Maybe I should casually bring it up to every friend I have ever seen published on their site to find out how long they waited before being accepted. Twenty-four hours? Are you kidding me? Well, fuck you brown-noser. I know, I will go into the submission sites Facebook group and passive aggressively like every post by their editor, maybe that will remind them to accept my piece already!
Day 4- I don’t even care about that stupid site. I mean, who are they not to respond to my writing. All three of my friend’s loved that piece- this website should be grateful I submitted it to them. I am going to refresh my email just one more time then I will be done with it. Did refresh work? I can never tell from my phone, let me try the computer. Wait, maybe I refreshed them too soon together and it messed something up. You know what, I am always accidentally deleting emails, maybe what I am looking for is in the trash.
Day 5- I think today I am going to start a rumor about the editor of this site. I heard they gave blowjobs in exchange for web design work. Oh look whose frickin piece ran, way to go brown-noser! I really hate you, even though I commented how much I love this piece and shared it everywhere. Maybe brown-noser will name drop me to the editor and get my piece in. At this point I will accept a handout. Let me check that junk section again. Maybe with the money from this Nigerian prince I can just make my OWN site and reject brown-noser on it. Yeah, I’ll show them!
Day 6- For God’s sake I am the worst writer in the history of writing. How obvious is it from my writing that I needed hooked on phonics as a kid? I am quitting writing, I never liked it anyways! Writing sucks and those three friends are liars, I am never listening to their advice again. More Vaguebook time. Did that Nigerian prince ever get back to me? I HATE THAT SITE AND I HATE WRITING AND I AM NEVER GOING ONLINE AGAIN.
Day 7- Last ditch effort to find an accidentally discarded acceptance email. Check all emails by manually clicking through every email ever received in the past six months. Not only has the site not gotten back to me but neither has that fucking Nigerian asshole. Whatever, I don’t need that site or their acceptance. I write for me, let me post this on my personal blog. It is their loss, not mine! I am never submitting to them again, I submit to no one! Oh, that is a great idea- I submit to no one. I know just the site that will love this concept!