The Baby We Didn’t Want

My wife and I are young. I was barely 21 when I found out I was going to be a father to twins. We never planned to have twins. How do you even plan multiples? When the Ultrasound Tech found a second heartbeat it almost made my own heart stop. I was 21 and my wife was 23.

Two kids having two kids. 

Flash forward a few years and we have a third son.

We never planned a third either. A lapse in birth control coupled with unprotected sex left my wife eating hot dogs in the kitchen by the fistful, snarling at anyone who tried to get her to just put the bun down. Her hot dog cravings, in addition to morning trips to puke porcelain city led us to get the little white sticks that tell you if your life is about to get flip turned upside down.

There it was. Pink as day. She was pregnant again. It wasn’t planned, again. We weren’t ready…AGAIN.

We didn’t rejoice over the fact that our family was going to be growing. Quite the opposite, we were mortified. There was no room for more babies in our house! We love our twins, but the simple possibility of another set? We had gotten this far not knowing what we were doing. Every night we thanked God simply because they both were happy, healthy and breathing still by the end of the day.

There we were though, with a little positive pregnancy test and our world crashing around us. So we talked and weighed out possibilities. We didn’t want any additions to our family. It went beyond that. We couldn’t have any additions to our family.

Sitting there, going over how everything just wouldn’t work,

“I’ll get an abortion”  My wife said,  unconvincingly.

The thought took our brains for a second.

Looking at our twins we knew it wasn’t an option.  The boys have brought us so many memories and helped us grow as people. If we got an abortion our life would be full of the “what if’s”. It wasn’t a decision we could make without feeling forever different. Our family was not in a place for any additions, but abortion? My wife and I are pro-choice, make no mistake, it just didn’t feel like a choice we personally could come back from.

Another problem with choosing abortion was the fact that there are so many people out there who, no matter how much they try or want, just can’t procreate. And we knew people who had fertility problems personally. My wife’s first pregnancy produced not one, but two bundles of joy. We were blessed with gifts that some yearn for only never to receive. The thought of terminating a pregnancy because it wasn’t the right time just didn’t seem fair to people never even afforded such an option.

Adoption wasn’t ever an option. It was another thing we knew wouldn’t feel right. After nine months of pregnancy, we would be too attached to give up our own blood. It would be selfish to promise our baby to a loving family when we knew there was no way at the end of pregnancy for us to let go. If my wife was having the baby, it was our baby.

My family is lucky enough to have the option to even think of something like abortion. Three handsome young boys fill my house with laughter or screaming. The worries we had leading us to even think about abortion have worked themselves out. It certainly hasn’t been the easiest. Having an infant and two toddlers is not easy by any measure of the word. We make it work though. We were lucky to just have a single this time around. It really makes you realize that sometimes the joys of life are unplanned.

So, we had Ezra.

The baby we didn’t want. The baby we are so lucky to have.

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15 comments on “The Baby We Didn’t Want
  1. This post may bring a multitude of mixed reactions, but I can tell you with certainty, there are lots of folks who will know exactly how you felt. I love your honesty:)

    • It isn’t always easy to write or show the world. But, I feel it is important. At least it is to me, ya know? Thanks so much Donna<3

  2. Great writing as usual, Briton! There are so many ‘unplanned’ babies out there who don’t have loving parents to help them thrive – your three boys are beyond lucky to have you and your wife as parents. 🙂

    A good friend of mine gave birth to a baby with down syndrome. She tried to be honest with herself and decided that she could not keep it so she gave it up for adoption (this was a terrible situation to watch unfold). Although I may have made a different decision, a large family adopted the little boy and he is happy and well. The nightmares that haunt her will never stop, though. I can’t imagine!
    brickhousechick recently posted…Dear Children, I Apologize For The Behavior Of My Fellow AdultsMy Profile

  3. I had my 3rd child at age 18. I did have an abortion between my 2nd and 3rd child and I live with the “what if’s” every November. I can totally relate. And that is also why I did have baby #3 then got my tubes tied/burnt/stapled/hexed, lol.

  4. Thank you for putting that out in the world. It hit far too close to home, my fiance and I went as far as being in the clinic as I spoke to these girls coming in then leaving after the procedure. I apparently did not have the correct paper work and it wasn’t something I could just get. Adoption was never an option either, w already had two children one 5 and the other only 6 months when I found out I was pregnant again. I could never imagine giving him up and ever having the possibility of thinking we didn’t want him or he wasn’t good enough to be with his brother and sister. I wouldn’t change any moment of events because holding baby Ben weasel is a feeling I couldn’t ever trade.

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