There’s an art to life’s distractions

Mickey Mouse drags on in the background. I can’t hear it, thank god for headphones. My kid is making a face that I can only assume is accompanied by a shit. His brother is lounging on the couch with a baby diaper on his head like a hat. Don’t worry, it isn’t a dirty diaper. Ezra is sitting in his little rocker chair, babbling on and looking into the distance. He does that a lot, I feel like he is talking to someone I just can’t see. 

I feel as if each day I don’t write I lose my voice a little. In my writing I get to be me. I can adore my children, bemoan my children or make tongue-in-cheek remarks about breastfeeding. Here I can release whatever I want, usually with recklessly thoughtful abandon. I don’t aim to harm anyone in my little area of the interwebs, just to talk matters that are pressing to me.

I love writing, I love what it has given me. In addition to a sweet release I have met some amazing people. How do you meet people on the internet? Easy, we gather together and bleed for the world to see. We sit there on our blogs and pages, unfiltered and hoping only for acceptance. Some people don’t accept and others do. So is life.

In truth, most of us are missing something in our lives that drives us to see this fulfillment online. We all want acceptance, some of us in anonymity. We all are missing our voice to a degree in real life. If we weren’t, why would we spend our days online shouting from our platforms and hoping for like-minded people to come by.

My admission? In life I can’t thoughtfully discuss most things. My emotions rule me. My emotions are fierce. Fiery rage, immense sadness, boyish delight. They come and go, always with the intensity of a thousand suns. It is just who I am. At any moment I am liable to explode with bursts of whatever my emotions decide. So, when I take to the internet I finally have a place to measure my feelings and thoughtfully release. I leave a published post or status feeling calm, at peace.

I have always been an emotional person. The other night something reminded me of my mother and I had to be consoled as I forced myself to sit there listening to songs that I correlate with my mom. I have a playlist on Spotify with one song on it, The song that was my sister’s ringtone, I listen to it and cry over a shattered relationship that will never be fixed because in October she left this world.

When I take a thoughtful look at myself, sometimes I can’t stand it. Some days I can’t parent because my emotions rule me and I lay there in bed all day, just not wanting to move. I blame laziness, but I know the truth. I am graced by an understanding wife who knows that some days I just can’t. I don’t even have the energy to turn to my outlet, even though I should.

When laying it out, I sound crazy. Maybe I am? Who isn’t nowadays? The best people are crazy. I sit on the internet and talk and talk and talk until someone comes along and responds. The people that come by, I love wholeheartedly. Seriously- I have handed out a piece of my soul and heart in every conversation I have had. It’s one of the things that makes me even more emotional. When someone I have handed a piece of myself to does a 180 and walks straight out of my life or goes into full on attack mode on someone else I have given a piece of me to- it hurts. It keeps me up at night, wanting to tell them I love them and I respect their choices. Tell them that this internet is only an internet and they should focus on real life. While I am forever connected I tell others to disconnect. Ironic.

I fell in love with writing, and some days I feel like it was the worst decision of my life. I constantly have an electronic open, forever scrolling or writing. Forever handing pieces of my heart and soul out, forever connected to people who I probably will never meet and probably never know that I love them.

“Love with every stranger, the stranger the better”- Hozier

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39 comments on “There’s an art to life’s distractions
  1. We do give a little bit of ourselves- and that piece we never want back and our virtual arms are always open, whenever needed.

    I truly enjoyed this.

  2. Oh Papa how I loved this and agree we bleed when we write. We expose ourselves to a degree that it’s hard to come back from. Write, bleed, bleed, write how messy life can get its so carthartic to write and feel those ugly feelings. Be gentle with yourself hon you’re grieving and it’s painful. It takes one to know one grieving soul. I’m here for you always whatever you need. A shoulder, listening ear, or eyes to read what you write from your heart. Thank you for opening up yourself and your journey to us all. ❤️
    Jeanine recently posted…My #Mommitment music play listMy Profile

  3. This is every little thought & emotion about writing. By far, my most favorite piece you have ever written. Bleed, talk & always type away. I love this with all my heart.

  4. …and I, like snow, keep falling for your words… Awesome post. You are dead on about bleeding for all to see. I switched from a blade to a keyboard, from physical bleeding to emotional bleeding . So far it’s working. -xo 3T

    • You are too sweet! Thank you Tara, I am glad to know others that bleed into their work. they write the only words worth reading

    • Thanks Lori! I have to email you about running your piece on OBP, don’t think I have forgot, just been behind. I am really excited for that to come out!

  5. It’s true. We all have this emotional outlet, and the people we meet are part of that. You know my rule is that I try to keep most online people at arm’s length, but the few that I have let in are more than just friends now. They’re part of me, and you’re one of them. Keep writing. Keep getting distracted. You’re quite the precious one, Briton. Glad Samara introduced us.

  6. I loved this, Briton. I saw in one of the comments that you were glad you emailed so you didn’t delete it. I’m glad you didn’t. I think when we write brutal honesty, especially about ourselves, we think it is trash and those are usually our best work! I think it’s because we don’t feel worthy, that no one would want to read about us personally. All ties into what you so beautifully pointed out about the raw emotion of it all and what it takes to bleed out and still survive.

    Really great post, I hope you submit it somewhere so more people can see it. <3

  7. I love your writing, Papa. Do you mind if I call you that? Anyway, I haven’t known you for very long but you had me at “a shit”. 🙂 Great post filled with humor and real emotion. 🙂

  8. Oh, sugarpie sometimes when I’m calling you names and giving you shit I forget about the introspective, tender heart that lives in you. Your perspective is sharp and as always, your aim is true. <3


  9. I love this so much. I totally hung on to every word bc it’s like it that my head daily. I want to quit writing somedays bc we r bleeding our creativity for? trolls on the internet? mother trucking technology problems? At 43, I finally figured out how to BE SAD without throwing a phone or a mug or a vase across the room. 43 years it took me to learn how to cry. Anyways I get it. don’t stop writing.
    Laurie recently posted…Mathmatically Speaking- SummerMy Profile

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